S.15/E.20

Half a Man 

​

half a man by 25 

barely human by 32 

the sight of me may well repel you. 

 

my dignity is shedding like the skin 

i’m too weak to wash 

my heart is aching like the teeth 

i’m too weak to floss. 

 

soup through a straw; i’m too weak to chew 

bloating and cramping; i’m too weak to poo 

two taps means yes when i’m too weak to speak 

leg muscles grow smaller week after week. 

 

cover my ears, cover my eyes 

the noise-floor of life is too much to bear 

even my thoughts, smallest in size 

a whisper inside still raises my hair. 

 

like cold wind blowing on a body with no skin 

where else is there to hide when i’m all the way in? 

behind my eyes, seeking shelter in a void 

beyond where is taught by Jung or by Freud 

no god or devil or lessons to be learned 

no strength to be gained or prize to be earned. 

 

is this death? i guess we will see 

i thought life would be more romantic for me 

i still want a wife and a house with a yard 

and to teach my son how to play the guitar 

to sing love songs to the woman of my dreams 

but i’m shackled to a bed, too weak to scream. 

 

too weak to grasp what’s left of my soul 

to wrangle the fragments of what was once whole. 

 

silent darkness, my only friend 

the living death of a fragile man.